by Guest Blogger Charlotte Moore

That title sounded a lot less alcoholic-y in my head.

Beer is a fairly recent thing for me. By “fairly recent” I mean “within the last five years,” but I’m 31 years old and so what I’m telling you right now is I spent fully 95% of my college years saying, “No thanks, do you maybe have a Mike’s Hard Lemonade? Just one, I have to be up at 9:30 tomorrow.” Then I started working in advertising. Ask me about adult peer pressure sometime.

But now I drink beer and scotch and whiskey and, oh yeah, bourbon, and I’ve even been known to accept—nay, welcome—those things in combination.

Which is why Sexual Chocolate: the BBA-ening is relevant to my interests.

Since I’ve entered the wonderful world of Foothills beer—sexy cocoa specifically—I have been induced to sleep in a tent in a parking lot (for beer) and judge a beauty contest (for beer). Also, Sexual Chocolate got me out of paying a speeding ticket. It didn’t get me out of getting a speeding ticket, but it did make the whole process a lot more pleasant. I wasn’t even drunk; the bottle was closed. Because, really, truly, don’t drink and drive, kids. More specifically, don’t drive with shitty beer. Drive with excellent beer you slept in a tent for. And remember: if the beer is still in your car at the end of the traffic stop, it’s not a bribe. It’s a conversation starter.

If you’ve just camped out for the SC:BBA release: kudos, and welcome to the club. If you’re just a fan who’s been given a bomber by a friend you probably don’t deserve: lock it up. Save it for a special occasion. Maybe brain an intruder with it. When you’re ready to enjoy it, do so fully. And gird your loins. Something weird and awesome is probably about to happen.